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Tuesday, August 22, 2006The greatest post on NBA basketball ever. posted by Nate on 11:34 PM link Oh, due to a server change all the images and links are Effed to H. I'll have them back "whenever." posted by Nate on 11:12 PM link Its been almost a four month hiatus, but I'm back. In the interim I got back with my girlfriend, broke up with her again, bought a European sportscar to compensate, had said car's "check engine" light come on the same day I bought it, and ultimately unloaded a European sportscar. I finally took possession of my Pimp Mansion, and am a homeowner who has to paint and mow the lawn and stuff. (I didn't think I could become more of a Republican douchebag, but home ownership makes me hate taxes even more, and makes me spend time in the southside bodega parking lot looking for gardening help. Hey, it's patriotic; they're doing the jobs Americans don't want to do.) I am back and rejuvenated and ready to blog. As my scary ex-military stab-you-in-the-gut-with-a-hook-knife friend famously said, "Pimps don't die, they go to Detroit and regroup." Only his version replaces "Pimps" with "Marines," and "Detroit" with "Hell." Detroit, Hell. As if there's a difference. PAHDUMBUMBUM!!! (I'll be here all week. Tip your waitress.) posted by Nate on 10:40 PM link Wednesday, May 03, 2006The Kentucky Derby is decadent and depraved. Yay! If nothing else, it's an excuse to drink bourbon in the early afternoon. But really, who needs an excuse!?! Another nice thing is gratuitous photos of women with enormous... hats.  Awww yeah. If I ever got with Jessica Simpson it would certainly be The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports. posted by Nate on 9:13 PM link Saturday, April 29, 2006In today's NFL draft, my Detroit Lions passed on two-time NCAA champion, Heisman Trophy winner QB Matt Leinhart at 1:35 PM. I began downing Canadian Club and Cokes like there was no tomorrow at 1:42 PM. The number nine pick, Ernie Sims, is a quality player and fits well into the Cover 2 defense new head coach Rod Marinelli wants to play. Sims reminds some of Marinelli's former OLB Derrick Brooks, and he'll breathe new intensity into the Detroit defense. But he's no Matt Leinhart. Sims is better than the alternative, though. Like many NFL teams, Detroit had Vanderbilt's Jay Cutler-- who won eleven games in four years-- ranked ahead of Leinhart. Cutler is exactly like the soon-to-depart Joey Harrington, an inaccurate underneath thrower with a big downfield arm, sort of like Kerry Collins or Drew Bledsoe. Put him in the right system or with the right supporting cast and he's awesome, but in a west coast system that emphasizes timing and accuracy he stinks on ice. Meanwhile Leinhart reads plays well and is accurate underneath, exactly like the guy Detroit's new Offensive Coordinator Mike Martz made into both the regular season and Super Bowl MVP, Kurt Warner. Really, this draft rating comes down to the NFL fetishization of arm strength. Cutler has a gun, no doubt. But drafting a quarterback due to arm strenghth is like dating a girl because of her cup size. Sure the giant knockers look good at first and make the other suitors jealous. But after a year or two, you wish that she brought more to the table. All in all, I think Matt Leinhart will be an outstanding NFL quarterback. Meanwhile Jay Cutler will be (rimshot) an enormous bust. posted by Nate on 10:14 PM link Monday, April 24, 2006KEITH:[mind] Come on, I won the MVP in '79. I can do whatever I want to. ELAINE: [mind] Who does this guy think he is? KEITH: [mind] I'm Keith Hernandez. posted by Nate on 10:43 PM link Saturday, April 15, 2006I came across this banner ad this evening. Either they're really pumped about the Easter weekend, or they're excited in general. "Jesus Christ! They have tickets and schedules!  Turns out they had seats to Andrew Lloyd Webber's Jesus Christ, Superstar. Bummer. Then again, if Jesus Christ showed up on earth again and there were tickets available for the Second Coming Tour, I doubt he'd advertise on 800buytickets.com He'd probably play a lot of smaller venues, like piano bars and jazz clubs, where only the die-hard fans would come out to the show. The masses can have their boy bands and dowdy blonde tramp-vamps; only esoteric artistes can dig the transpledently smooth vibes of the JC. posted by Nate on 12:01 AM link Friday, April 14, 2006I don't really remember posting the last few items, but that's why bourbon is cool. Every day is like Christmas, with all sorts of gifts to open. Or, to get Tom Hanks-y, alcohol is like the DaVinci Code: one day you wake up sober and have all sorts of mysteries to unravel. Why, just the other day I checked my e-mail and discovered that I had purchased some samurai swords on eBay. WTFBBQ? It's like when Sam Beckett would quantum leap into a pregnant woman going into labor while announcing her candidacy for mayor and having to fight off invading ninjas/pirates with her bare hands, only I don't have Dean Stockwell and his awesome silk shirts to help me out. Stick Fighter was the best movie ever. On Opposite Day. posted by Nate on 11:45 PM link Thursday, April 13, 2006Harg! Glub Blug dip woot-boof wammie!  posted by Nate on 9:58 PM link
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your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
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