swankypimp.com

links
Slashdot
James Lileks
Mark Steyn
X-Entertainment
Mike's Baseball
Off-Wing

Sarah Michelle Gellar is moderately attractive.

Enjoy a picture of a fine-looking Wildebeest.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Sports Illustrated has officially named its Sportsman of the Year, and for the first time in fifteen years it is a pro football player. While Tom Brady is a fine choice (heck, I went to college with the guy), I would have preferred that the award for the best team player and role model go to Terrell Owens With a Star Trek Goatee. Alternate Timeline TO would be humble and respectful of his teammates, while quietly renogotiating his contract to make less money so his team could sign a few more guys and make another run at the Super Bowl. Sort of like what This World's Tom Brady did a couple years ago.

In the Alternate Timeline, Tom Brady's a total asshole. I mean, a preternatural Dickweed with a terminal case of Douchebagitis. And I'm clean-shaven, good-looking, and rich, and I spend my evenings hot-tubbing with the Greek chick from CSI: New York while a wise-cracking Harry Anderson serves us chocolate pudding from ornate diamond encrusted goblets.

When finished, we then putter around town on souped-up mopeds, merrily beating hobos to death and setting things on fire. Yeah, fire.

posted by Nate on 12:10 AM link

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Here are a bunch of cool facts you didn't know about Dick Cheney. For example:

Dick Cheney has 800 hit dice

Has acid for blood. It's a brilliant defense mechanism -- you don't dare kill him.

Once pimp-slapped Don Rumsfeld in a cabinet meeting.

Dick Cheney spends his weekends at the zoo, snorting quicklime and throwing empty whiskey bottles at monkeys.

Dick Cheney always gets a little choked up when he hears his favorite love ballad, "Ass N Titties" by DJ Assault.

Cheney killed the dinosaurs, because that's how you make oil.

posted by Nate on 1:29 AM link

Previous Weeks' Delusional, Booze-Fueled Philippic
aka my web log archives

words of wisdom
from Mr. Barry White

Josef Stalin killed over 20 million people. What evil deeds have you accomplished today?