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Friday, October 28, 2005We went to Hooters the other night after work for wings and beer. We had a fun time, but it also reminded me of the things I don't like about Hooters (the restaurant). 1) The bill is outrageous. For a plate of chicken wings-- and I don't particularly like wings, but think the Hooters wings are pretty good-- and two pitchers of Miller Lite, I paid thirty bucks after tip. Just a bit pricey, I'd say. For the same amount of scratch I could get two BK chicken sangwiches, a six pack, and a lap dance at a real strip club. 2) Despite the name, Hooters is not a titty bar. Not only isn't there any nudity, but there's a weird vibe going on where you go there to see the girls, but you can't gratuitously leer at them either. You have to play it cool, like you went there for your favorite heart-attack inducing fried cuisine and aren't too impressed with the scenic mountains and valleys. After all, you're a studly man of the world, and have certainly bagged far hotter chicks. 3) The girls have an attitude. Hooters girls are the high school cheerleaders of waitressing. They are the kind of girls who know that they're all that, and flaunt themselves in a flirty/bitchy way, like the mall chicks that wear skin tight hip hugger jeans and cut-off baby doll T-shirts with slogans like "Li'l Slut" or "Tea Bagger," then get torqued off when a guy checks them out. "What the hell are you looking at, perv!?!" Um, your overspilling cleavage. In conclusion: Violets are blue / Roses are thorny / Hooters has wings / But it don't make me horny. (Thank you, good night.) posted by Nate on 7:12 PM link Thursday, October 27, 2005
 Congratulations to the baseball champion Chicago White Sox. I rooted for the Sox in this one, and appreciate their phenomenal pitching and the way they got clutch hits. Now, I don't want to pee in anyone cornflakes, but... If anybody had a curse coming, it was the Sox. They're not like last year's Curse-breaking Red Sox. Boston was supposedly "cursed" for trading Babe Ruth, who makes Terrell Owens seem like the classiest guy alive. Ruth held out every year, demanding that he be the highest paid player in baseball. Then after getting a new contract, he would show up to games drunk or hung over and rip his teammates in the press. After a couple years of this, the Sox decided to get rid of him, not knowing that he would develop into one of the greatest players of all time. By contrast, the White Sox compromised the integrity of the sport by throwing the 1919 World Series. A bit of good karma was gained from Minnie Minoso and Disco Demolition Night, but then they fired announcer Harry Caray, who immediately was signed by the crosstown Cubs. As a result, only a select group of die hards root for the White Sox; everyone in the wealthy or middle class parts of Chicago root for the Cubs, and the western part of Illinois cheers on the St. Louis Cardinals. Nobody roots for the White Sox anymore. Seriously. Growing up ninety minutes from Chicago, I've met one lifetime White Sox fan. There was a brief moment of popularity fifteen years ago when they changed to the black and silver uniforms, but that was more of an early 90's gangsta rap Starter jacket thing. In a lot of ways, Chicago baseball is both the geographical and philosophical mid-point between East and West coast. (The Oakland Raiders, who also wear silver and black, are the exception.) The White Sox fans are the blue collar or no-collar guys who live and die on every play, transforming the stresses of every day life into a rooting interest for a group of guys that aren't even from Chicago. Following a tough loss they're drunk and belligerent, a lot like Philadelphia Eagles fans. Throwing snowballs at Santa, beating up umpires and third base coaches-- same thing. Cubs fans, on the other hand, are content to relax in the sun-drenched bleachers for a few hours, ice cold Budweiser in hand, win or lose. A baseball game is a retreat from your job and wife and kids and wondering if the plummer or mechanic is trying to screw you. So what if we haven't won since 1908? Cubs Baseball: Like whatever, dude. posted by Nate on 12:10 AM link Sunday, October 23, 2005Thank you, Fun Police. Anheuser-Busch Cos. Inc. said it will quit marketing a drinking game called "Bud Pong" after discovering that some people were imbibing beer during the game instead of water, as directions specified... Such games can be especially dangerous for younger drinkers and college students who get wrapped up in the competition and drink unhealthy amounts of alcohol, [the president of Mothers Against Drunk Driving] said. And that's why America is going down the tubes. Years ago, MADD was a reasonable organization. Back in the swell days of yore, it was common for Charlie the Friendly Local Policeman let Mr. Eight-Budweiser-Roaring-Through-Schoolzone sleep it off for a few hours, then go home. So yeah, increasing public awareness and encouraging DUI prosecutions were a good thing for public safety; drunk driving accidents went down in the eighties. But that wasn't enough for MADD. Driving while Drunk wasn't enough; the phrase was subtly replaced with "Drinking and Driving" or "Driving while Impaired." Driving after having any manner of adult beverage, even if you were perfectly sober, was Uncompromisingly Evil, and the legal blood alcohol limit went from .12 to .1 to .08 in most states. Suddenly we were bombarded by articles on "Binge Drinking" on college campuses, defined as having more than four or five drinks in an evening.  Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? There's a name for college parties that do not include five beers per person-- Lame College Parties. And since most college students will stumble back to the dorm rather than drive anywhere, why does MADD care? Are the Mothers Againt Drunk Driving really just shriveled up, senescent crones that are hell-bent on making sure that nobody on this earth can enjoy himself, ostensibly for public safety, but really because it fleetingly warms the depth of their icy hearts? Or is it because, if I am reading this correctly, that they collect and spend nearly $48 MILLION dollars in donations every year. Call me a cynic, but that is a very good reason to tweak your mission statement to something impossible, like stopping twenty year old college students from enjoying a few beers. Maybe next they'll try to outlaw Top Ramen or skipping class to play XBox. Follow the money, follow the money. Geez, if you can't trust the Mothers Against Drunk Driving, whom can you trust? And now, to calm my nerves, I think I'll have a scotch. posted by Nate on 1:06 PM link
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your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
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