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Thursday, August 25, 2005Juvenile Penis Humor strikes again! Hehe. The fellow investigating the Lance Armstrong scandal is named, amazingly, Dick Pound. This has to be the best famous-person inadvertant adult film star name since major league pitching coach Dick Pole. World Anti-Doping Agency (WAD?) representative Dick Pound. Jeez, that kind of name goes more with a pearl necklace than a yellow bracelet. For comedy reasons, maybe we should institute a moratorium on the name "Dick." For example, the quality Oakland A's pitcher is named Richard Harden but goes by "Rich." And yet one of my customers is named Richard McNutt. And he goes by the abbreviation, of course. Urghh! I only wish I were making this up. posted by Nate on 9:54 PM link Sunday, August 21, 2005Raiders wide receiver Randy Moss is in trouble again, this time for intimating that he smokes marijuana. To paraphraseDenis Leary, "Not Randy Moss?!? He seems so normal to me!" All this talk about Randy Moss and drug use reminds me of my childhood and the Masters of the Universe figure, Moss Man. This first occurred to me a few nights ago while I was half-awake, half-asleep, but the fuzzy green He-Man companion Moss Man had a funky organic odor. Not exactly weed-like, but it was definitely there. And when I reflected on it, the first time my buddy Chip introduced me to Moss Man was during a mid-eighties "Just Say No" presentation. It was a full-school assembly, and Chip smuggled in his brand new Moss Man and Stinkor figures in his backpack for our adulation. (And what was the deal with kids' school supplies then? We could have hidden a terrorist in our 57 zippered backpack pockets, or a WMD in our Trapper Keeper. Not to mention stabbing someone in the eyeball with our pointy steel compass.) So Moss Man was the freaking bomb, yo. He was fuzzy like an old pool table and smelled like whiskey and feet, and totally grossed out all the girls. They all had cooties so it was a triumph, of course. The girls, that is; not the whiskey nor feet. Moss Man wasn't quite as cool as Stinkor, but Stinkor was an evil man-skunk, which is damn hard to beat. Except with tomato juice, though V-8 doesn't exist in Eternia. Anyway, I don't care if Randy Moss likes to get high, as long as he plays with He-Man figures while bombed. Now that would be a scandalous web-leaked home movie I'd like to see. In fact, its a scandalous home movie I've participated in, only with Star Wars action figures, and except for the demand that King Randor pay me seven million bucks per year. Yes, I am awesome. posted by Nate on 8:39 PM link
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your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
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