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Friday, December 17, 2004It is strange, I know, but one of the things I miss most about not living with a woman is soap. See, bachelors will wash with whatever is available. In the shower, just use some strategically placed shampoo. Need to wash your hands before dinner? Dish soap. It's antibacterial and crap. And Dawn softens hand while you do dishes, so it's like cleaning plus moisturiznig with Jergens lotion, right? By contrast, women have jasmine-scented body wash, rose petal shampoo, decorative mini soaps with names like Strawberry Fields and Raspberry Sensation. For Christmas, there's evergreen and egg nog scented soaps; for Easter, budding plants and hard-boiled eggs. Like a play about twisted, lye-filled Saint Sir Thomas More, a woman's bathroom features A Soap For All Seasons. Meanwhile, males are divorced from cleanliness Henry VIII style, or something. Sure single men have a bar af Zest in the shower, but for the most part it's like a gal's decorative bathroom towels, there to keep up appearances in case company comes over, not for practical use. (By the way, this was a lot funnier when it occurred to me this morning. But it's a Seinfeld observational funny, not laugh-out-loud funny. At least that's my excuse for this mediocre drivel.) To sum up, women utilize soap. Maybe that's why they smell good. At least American women. French women tend to be soap-impaired, and they are funky. And not in a George Clinton-Bootsy Collins sort of way. And thus concludes today's musings on "Random Shit You Think Of in the Shower." Have a nice day. posted by Nate on 10:26 PM link Wednesday, December 15, 2004The main reason I have not updated recently is that I sold my computer. Or parts of it, at least. My friend wanted a top of the line machine for Christmas, so I turned my 19" LCD, Pentium 4 3.2 GHZ, and DVD burner into a spank-ass digital queen. I downgraded a bit to a Celeron 2.7 (eewww) and used the cash to help pay for this mofo. TV looks awesome on it, even with my spotty static-filled analog cable, and once I tweaked my display settings my computer output looks pretty decent also. My knickers get a little moist just thinking about it. Which leads me to the one problem with the new setup: porn has a little too much detail for my taste. I mean, when you can tell that the gang-banged starlet is bombed out of her melon and has crotchal razor-burn, it takes a little bit away from the fantasy. Not much, mind you, but just a little. I think I've said too much. Children and elderly people read this site, for crying out loud. At least I din't mention the scene with the midgets and the sheep and the GLAVIN! UPDATE: It looks like Tiger Direct has sold out of these units. This was my first time dealing with them and I was a satisfied customer and stuff. They shipped out of their warehouse nearest me, and I got it in two business days total, which was impressive. I was lucky since UPS drivers are a bunch of morons and left a gigantic box that said "LCD Television; Please Steal Me" on my front porch. In the snow, where it easily could have gotten water damaged, despite the fact that I intentionally left the front door unlocked and slightly ajar. The future leaders of America, or something. posted by Nate on 11:27 PM link Tuesday, December 14, 2004Wow, it's been a while. Or is it "awhile"? I always get those two confused, even though I was an English major oh so many years ago. Regardless (and it is "regardless"-- perhaps it's a colloquialism, but people around here always use the grammatically incorrect "irregardless," which would literally mean "without not regard"), I have not updated the site in a long ass time. Not only was my Internet down for a time, but I have also been very busy. And by very busy, I mean "stumbling about in a scotch induced stupor." Thank you, William Wallace, you Highland Bastard. Oh, and whoever invented Club Soda. Senor Soda? Mr. Club? Without not regard, since I've been downing Canada Dry it was probably some Canuck hosehead, eh? First the hockey strike, then stopping me from updating my website. Stupid Canada. Fly, my monkeys! Bring me the head of Anne Murray! They must pay! posted by Nate on 9:28 PM link
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your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
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