 |
|
 |
|||||
links
|
|
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Jar Jar unavailable for comment. MESA think that Republicans suck. posted by Nate on 9:51 PM link Wednesday, November 17, 2004This article reminds me of the Wendy Leibman standup comedy routine about her friend who strips and has sex at the Burger King. "She was Having It Her Way... Holding the pickle... Okay, it was me." posted by Nate on 9:43 PM link Tuesday, November 16, 2004Bill O'Reilly has officially gone insane. I [heart] Condi, the 44th president of these United States. posted by Nate on 8:38 PM link Monday, November 15, 2004Here in my car, I feel safest of all... I admit it; I'm one of those dorks who sings along with the car radio. Not all the time-- just when a seventies/eighties glam rock equivalent of a B-Movie comes on. A dumb but fun song to scream along with in falsetto. "Come Sail Away" by Styx? Yeah. REO Speedwagon's "Keep On Lovin' You?" Heck yeah. "Separate Ways" by Journey? Don't get me started. But today the weirdest thing happened. First, flashback to Saturday afternoon. I was stopped at a red light, flipping between classic rock stations, and a Led Zeppelin song came on. It was a gorgeous sunny fall day, I was feeling good. So I started making crazy John Bonham drumming motions, jamming the kick pedal, hitting the high hat, going into a frenzied full blooded roll. Yeah! It was a sight to behold. Tonight, replay the same scene, except "Animal" by Def Leppard came on. I love this song; great scream-along chorus, great moving bass line, great percussion. So there I was, singing along. And I want, and I need, and I lust, ANIMAL! Grooving on the air guitar, making the obligatory classic rock wah-wah pedal I-just-licked-a-rancid-lemon face. And here comes a drum solo. I began the crazy drummer antics, when it suddenly hit me. Crap. And I began thinking: am I being offensive by doing the nutso mock drum playing with both arms? Or would it be more scandalous to do it with my right arm only? So I sat quietly for a few moments, pondering my next move. Luckily, the song ended soon after that, and "Separate Ways" came on. Bless you, Journey. Rock on, everybody. posted by Nate on 9:46 PM link Sunday, November 14, 2004I don't follow pro basketball as much as I used to; it just got boring. For a while in the mid-nineties, the NBA marketing department either bribed the referees or took photographs of them in compromising positions with sheep. Suddenly, the superstars started getting phantom foul calls-- Michael Jordan would blow past the defense untouched and dunk one down, then, One-Mississippi, Two-Mississippi later the ref blows the whistle. MJ was grabbed, or brushed up against, or had his uniform wrinkled, or something. Never mind that he just put up another poster-style dunk; he needs to go for forty every night or fans will lose interest. Go to the foul line, MJ: three point play. I call it the Dick Bevetta Special. By contrast, the Bill Cartwrights of the world who happened to be on a superstar-laden team could foul away without repercussions. This was never more apparent than when Dennis Rodman went to the Bulls. When he was in Detroit, he was a thug, a bruiser who would get whistled for looking at an opponent the wrong way. But next to MJ and Scottie Pippen, Rodman was a loveable scamp with eccentric hair. He could sock people in the mouth just like in the arcade game Arch Rivals, and the ref would look the other way. Because Rodman blends in with the crowd so well, of course. Anyway, I stopped following basketball for a couple years, but like Al Pacino, just when I thought that I was out, they pull me back in. First it was Kobe's breakout season in 2000, then the pure comic gold of the European players at the NBA Draft, then the Piston's resurgence. And now, without hockey, I need something to do. As a result, I happen to read a little about the NBA and maybe catch a score once in awhile. That's how I came across this column, which dropped mad knowledge on my dome. As I mentioned a few days ago, I already know that Ron Artest is Utterly Insane, so I skipped that part. As an aside, Can we please arrange for him and Angelina Jolie to join the cast of "The Surreal Life?" It would be the first time in Reality TV history that Vegas would set an over-under on the number of episodes it takes before someone gets stabbed. And knowing these two, it would probably be in the same episode where they hook up-- with three to two odds that the stabbing would occur while they hook up. I can hardly wait until Bill Simmons and I are in charge of ESPN6. Anyway, the article included two things I did not know: 1) After 6 years in Dallas, Steve Nash signed a 6 year, 66 million dollar deal. E-VIL!!! Now I know why he keeps the mop-top haircut; it's to hide The Omen. 2) Due to his ethnicity and three-point shooting acumen, Eric Piatkowski is nicknamed "The Polish Rifle." This is the best nickname since Brad "The Vanilla Gorilla" Lohaus retired. I have a new favorite player now. I love this game!!! It's FAAAAAAAN-TASTIC!!! posted by Nate on 11:02 AM link
|
|
words
of wisdom
|
|||
| Copyright 2004. All
your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
|||||||
