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Saturday, August 21, 2004A few articles on the recent voting fraud in Venezuela. Smartmatic Corp., a Florida company that has never before supplied election machinery, is owned by two Venezuelans. The software came from Bizta Software, owned by the same two people. The Miami Herald recently revealed that the Chávez regime spent $200,000 last year to purchase 28% of Bizta and put a government official and longtime Chávez ally on the board. After the story broke, Bizta bought back the government-held shares and the official resigned from the board. But not until after the two companies were granted a significant part of the $91 million contract for the referendum. Jimmy Carter signed off on the results, of course. So you know it's legitimate. Now I'm about to go all old-school on you young 'uns and make a reference to something from eight years ago. I know, I know: the Nineties, ancient history, but bear with me. You may remember the animated short "The Spirit of Christmas," which first put the "South Park" fellas on the map. It was scandalous and absurdist in an Eastern Bloc Dissident Art sort of way. When Stan is in trouble, he asks for guidance not from Jesus (who is actually a character in the film) or Buddha or Moses or Vishnu or some other religious figure, but from the most random postmodern rolemodel the creators could come up with, Olympic figureskater Brian Boitano. And miraculously, in a Gunther Grass / Milan Kundera random-stuff-happening to illustrate the sheer strangeness of modern life, Brian skates onscreen. "Did somebody say my name?" Now, back in the real world, we Stans need someone to look into the legitimacy of obviously rigged elections. Who do we turn to? A former president who has a reputation for going ga-ga over dictators, from Brezhnev to Kim Il Sung to Castro to Tito to Saddam, etc. (Don't believe me? Here's a primer. Oh, and North Korea has nukes because of a peace brokered by who? Also, that footage shown at the Democratic Convention of him and Brezhnev: creepy.) Really, whenever there's a strongman in trouble, the former President appears Brian Boitano like-- "Did somebody say my name?"-- to lend him support, to give his regime legitimacy. Jimmy Carter is the weirdest choice for us to send to oversee an election. Life has become like crazy experimentalist theater where the characters are anthropomorphic Wildebeests or something. The world's gone mad, I tell you. But, on the bright side, the people of Venezuela actually met, actually spoke, with the Jimmy Carter. posted by Nate on 2:27 PM link Wednesday, August 18, 2004Please look away for a moment while I touch myself inappropriately. My cable provider, Comcast, is adding the NFL Network to its Digital Cable package. Right now I feel like Beavis when he sees a hot chick on television: BOI-OI-OI-OI-OING! posted by Nate on 12:35 AM link Tuesday, August 17, 2004This one's right up my alley. Rapper Nelly announced that he is creating a charity called the "Positive Intellectual Motivated Person" Scholars Program. That's right; it's the P.I.M.P. Scholarship! According to the press release, The P.I.M.P Scholarship is not limited to academics. Applicants stand a better chance of winning the scholarship if they are involved in leadership roles in extracurricular activities of all genres. Extracurricular activities like, say, keeping one's prostitutes in line, or wearing ridiculous floppy hats. If your letter of recommendation comes from Mr. Whitefolks or your college major is "sipping cognac from a diamond-crusted chalice in the back of a gold-plated 1972 Cadillac El Dorado," you're a lock. posted by Nate on 8:44 PM link
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your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
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