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Saturday, August 14, 2004Iraq gets a metal that is not Yellowcake Uranium. Their soccer team wins because, according to the article, they played a more aggressive style since there wasn't the threat of Uday Hussein wiring the players' junk to a car battery if they made a few mistakes. As a man, I have one thing to say: Ouch. For as much as I hate LeBron and the other members of the spoiled millionaire U.S. Basketball Team, it's a lot better than the Perform-Or-Have-Your-Appendages-Hacked-Off approach of the old U.S.S.R. or other totalitarian regimes. Commercialism is better than Fascism because if Michael Phelps doesn't win eight gold medals it's an NBC ratings disappointment, not a reason for Dick Cheney to bust caps in your dome and rape your sisters in front of your elderly mother. UPDATE: the U.S. Basketball Team lost to Puerto Rico. It's fairly obvious that we now need to annex them as the 51st state and assimilate their roster of ballers. UPDATE 2: Michael Phelps and the U.S. lose in the 400m Relay. Dick Cheney and his testicle-shaped-vise-grips wil not be pleased. posted by Nate on 12:27 AM link Wednesday, August 11, 2004Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. --Principal, Billy Madison Today I read possibly the dumbest thing ever. And not "dumb" as in "I disagree with your position that we invaded Iraq because George W. Bush has Daddy Issues," but dumb as in "that was a stupid pointless waste of time." Here goes... Tonight I worked late and didn't get home until seven, well past my dinner time. I had gone out to dinner with my sister last night, and had leftover cow parts I was going to microwave. I also planned on cooking two fresh ears of corn I had in the refigerator. Since my grill is broken I had to boil said corn, and figured that it would take at least forty minutes to boil water and whatnot, and that I would be far too tired to enjoy the corn at that point, so I looked for an alternative. I Google searched for "microwave corn" hoping for some recipes or special techniques. I happened across The. Worst. Recipe. Ever. "Microwave Corn," it said. Ingredients: Corn. Salt. Pepper. Instructions: Season corn with salt and pepper. Heat in microwave. Enjoy! Ummmm... Errr... Could you be more specific? I hate to go all Bill Hicks on you, but I am the one searching for the freaking recipe, and I could have provided you with that goddarned outline. What is this, Cooking For the Mentally Challenged? Freaking Emeril Lagasse's Cliff Notes? I know five year olds who could have suggested that course of action. And this site isn't alone; years ago I read the label on the generic Meijer brand canned vegetables, whose Heating Instructions(TM) are: 1) Empty contents into saucepan on stove. 2) Heat. It is a Genius sort of person who buys generic canned vegetables, you know. That extra three cents per can is a killer. Good Lord, have we seriously become a nation of morons? I mean, I don't expect the tatooed body-pierced jag-off at the Burger King to give me correct change without the need for a computer, but this? Step Two: Heat. Thank you, Captain Obvious. In other breaking news, fire burns you and water is wet. Enjoy your freaking corn. posted by Nate on 9:38 PM link
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your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
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