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Saturday, July 31, 2004NOMAH!!! NOMAH!!! 
When the news broke I was actually in Chicago, just a few blocks from Wrigley, helping my sister move a small couch into her apartment. Okay, it was a love seat, but I don't want to imagine my little sis and her live-in boyfriend in amorous situations. I prefer to call it a "like" seat, or maybe a "I have moderately luke-warm feelings for you and enjoy your company" seat. Regardless, the Cubs game had just finished and the fans were torqued off. It was ninety freaking degrees and humid and sticky. (Did I mention that we got to move the Like Seat up four flights of stairs?) Matt Clement, despite his 3.03 ERA, had lost his tenth game this year. We had not made a deal at the trade deadline. We're eleven games back of Saint Louis, and Mark Prior looked awful the other day. Then, during the post-game show, there's an announcement that the Cubs may have made a deal. Ten minutes later, there's word that it's for NOMAH!!! There are no details yet, though it's supposed that the Cubs gave up this season's hard-luck-loser Matt Clement. At this point I'm happy, but my sister's boyfriend, a Clement fan, is agitated. And I'm glad that he's agitated, considering the perverted things he plans to do to my sister on the Like Seat. Jerk. Later, as I'm battling traffic on the way home and listening to sports talk radio, the details emerge. The Cubs gave up a couple mid-level prospects and got a pretty good minor league outfielder as well as NOMAH!!! Woot! Thundering through Gary, Indiana at 80+ MPH in a friend's Giant Ass, Get-Out-Of-The-Way-Or-Suffer-The-Consequences 1980's Ford van, I crack a smile. If we can sign Garciaparra after the season, and if he stays healthy, this will be one of the best trades in franchise history. This is the second straight year that General Manager Jim Hendry has made big moves just before the trade deadline. I love you, Jim Hendry. If I were a woman, I would sooooo want to have your babies. Put on a Barry White record and dim the lights, you General Manager, you. Let's get funky on the Like Seat. posted by Nate on 10:34 PM link Friday, July 30, 2004Communists dig Michael Moore. Seriously, I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to. That one of the most brutal regimes on Earth agrees with your point of view isn't exactly a ringing endorsement. Maybe this will even sway the election, as Cuban exiles in Florida vote Bush. As the article points out, " Cuban dissidents who saw "Fahrenheit 9/11" praised the United States for its freedom of expression and lamented that such criticism of a president was not allowed in Cuba where the one-party state controls the media." posted by Nate on 8:39 PM link Wednesday, July 28, 2004I watched "Last Comic Standing" tonight. It was the Wildcard Special episode, in which-- gasp-- there was standup comedy involved. Typically the show is about house infighting and who stole the peanut butter (no sexual connotations involved, really) and the Jay-Mohr-Buddy-of-the -Month-Club advancing-- but this one actually involved performing in front of an audience. Woot! If they redesigned the show as the Amerian-Idol-esque Comedy Hour with Occasional Christopher Walken Impressions by Jay Mohr, I'd watch every fricking week, but as it is I could care less. It's sorta like 1992 "Caroline's Comedy Hour" with Colin Quinn on A&E: fun for awhile, but once it gets popular, it goes downhill. Then the host gets to bomb big time on Saturday Night Live. This week I voted for the The Gay Dude, who was really funny. The rest of the comics were mediocre, though I'd totally bone that Bonnie chick. (I'm so lonely.) posted by Nate on 12:23 AM link Monday, July 26, 2004The past few days, the news according to sports talk radio is about how much of a Bad Person(TM) Ricky Williams is for suddenly retiring from the Miami Dolphins. He deserted his teammates during the midst of impending battle or something, and is a girlie man pot smoking so-and-so. Right. Many a time I have played the "if I had a million dollars" game, and decided that I hate my job and would quit if I had the means. (P.S. Also, I would buy you some Art. A Picasso or a Garfunkel. And catsup. Dijon catsup.) Ricky played this game for real, and, like Three Scotches in an Hour Me, he decided that he'd rather travel the world than earn a paycheck. So he quit. Dropped out, decided to spend his preciously few days on earth having some fun. I don't have the Billy Packer "Onions"-- nor the bank roll-- to do that yet, though I envy Ricky Williams rather than hate him and label him a Zoloft-ingesting beeyotch. Like Fiona Apple nee Maya Angelou said, Go with yourself. This world is bull s**t. posted by Nate on 11:43 PM link Sunday, July 25, 2004We had a couple huge storms this week and lost power and Internet for a few days. While I was gone I missed this piece of news-- Star Wars Episode 3 now has a subtitle: Revenge of the Sith. Sounds okay I guess. It reminds me how excited I was as a kid to get Fan Club Revenge of the Jedi promotional stuff in the mail, and how angry I was when they changed the name, making my poster and iron-on badge useless. (Of course, had I kept them I could have sold them for a fortune on eBay, but hindsight is 20/20. Unless you left your glasses on top of the radio, I suppose.) Come to think of it, that was the first time George Lucas made me mad, something he has done often over the last twenty years. I guess the Star Wars franchise is like a bad relationship. No matter how many times it hurts you, you look back to how amazing the early good times were and decide to give it one more chance. George Lucas only hits ya cause he loves ya, baby. In any event, I would have preferred a movie with a rainbow-colored Dark Jedi apprentice named Darth Geisel. Then the title could have been One Sith, Two Sith, Red Sith, Blue Sith. posted by Nate on 6:09 PM link
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your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
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