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Monday, June 14, 2004The Detroit Pistons are the Count Von Count of the National Basketball Association. All year people have assumed that the Eastern Conference is a bunch of cuddly Sesame Street puppets who are horribly overmatched by the Lakers. Sure its cute that they play defense and rebound, but when push comes to shove Shaq and Kobe will show them who the Real Men are. The pundits and sportswriters forgot one crucial fact, however: the Count is a freaking vampire! Like the flying supermodels in that Van Helsing flick, the Detroit Pistons are more than eye candy-- in a split second they'll grow CGI fangs and rip your throat out. Count Von Count plays to win. One NBA Finals Victory. Ha! Two NBA Finals Victories. Ha! Ha! Three NBA Finals Victories. Ha! Ha! Ha! One more to go. And like the lovable Sesame Street puppets bringing moments of happiness to Gordon and Luis and Maria in the run-down barrio of Disenfranchised Post-Modern Industrial Nightmare City, U.S.A., the Pistons will bring great joy to D-Town on Tuesday night. You can, um, Count on it. (Sorry.) posted by Nate on 1:19 AM link Sunday, June 13, 2004I don't watch ESPN or read the ESPN website much, due to their increasing Disney corporate busybody approach, but Bill Simmons has a great article on the tenth anniversary of the O.J. Simpson Trial. Keep in mind: Blood was found at the crime scene, dripping on the left side of the footprints leaving the area (and yes, O.J. had an unexplained cut on his left hand). There was a 1-in-57 billion chance that the blood did not belong to O.J. There was blood in the Bronco, blood on the rear gate, blood on O.J.'s socks (found in his bedroom at home), blood on the gloves (one left at the crime scene, the other dropped behind Kato's guest house at the Rockingham estate). In each case, the odds were in the millions and billions that the aforementioned blood didn't belong to Simpson, his ex-wife or Ron Goldman. This would have been the most boring episode of "CSI" ever; Gil Grissom might have sent O.J. packing in 10 minutes. When I was a high school senior I got a day off school (whoo hoo) as part of a biology class to attend a seminar on the recently concluded O.J. Trial and its impact on forensic evidence. I remember one speaker's scientifically-informed conclusion, based on mitochondrial DNA (DNA that is only passed down by one's mother): "There are roughly 200 people on earth who could have done this murder. If O.J. didn't do it, the killer would have been a Simpson, and if you exclude his immediate family, we'd have to assume some guy with a tribal ancestor of O.J.'s family came over here from Africa and killed Ron Goldman and Nicole for no apparent reason." I really liked those Naked Gun movies, though. posted by Nate on 5:13 PM link
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your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
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