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Saturday, May 22, 2004This website writes that John Woo is in negotiations to direct the film adaptation of the 80's video game Spy Hunter. It will star The Rock and come out in 2005. A few months ago, remember, Woo announced plans to make movies based off one of the greatest Nintendo games of all time, Metroid. I'm wondering what Hollywood'll come with next in their attempt to transmute eighties video game nostalgia into a shoot 'em up summer blockbuster... I've got it: Announcer Guy: He's a superagent who plays by his own rules... Police Captain: You can't take on a 90 story building full of enemy spies by yourself! Vin Deisel: Sorry chief, I play by my own rules. [Turns, winks.] Announcer Guy: He's a wise-cracking Negro in the wrong place at the wrong time... [The Heroes run through a door way and stop cold. Slow motion pan of a roomful of guys with machine guns pointed at them.] Chris Rock: Daaaamn... I haven't seen this many weapons since the last time I was over at Jay Z's house. Announcer Guy: This summer, Vin Deisel and Chris Rock star in Elevator Action! Hot Chick: Going... down? [Things blow up, there is a Bad Ass slow motion kung-fu scene on top of an elevator, bad guys plummet to their deaths.] Vin Deisel: Now that's what I call getting the shaft. Chris Rock: Yeah, booooy! [This film is not yet rated.] UPDATE: Steve writes with the E-mail of the Week (TM), saying, Maybe they can get Carl Weathers and film a sequel: Elevator Action Jackson. posted by Nate on 6:13 PM link Monday, May 17, 2004Behold the dumbest people in the world. A German couple who went to a fertility clinic after eight years of marriage have found out why they are still childless - they weren't having sex. Um, yeah. For the love of Wagnerian White Supremacist Opera, these people are German: they have anal gangbang orgies on broadcast TV over there! If it were a case of putting the ol' weinerschnitzel in the wrong end of the fraulein leiderhosen I could maybe see it, but this? Heilige scheise! posted by Nate on 11:55 PM link
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your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
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