 |
|
 |
|||||
links
|
|
Friday, February 06, 2004Oh Canada! During the Super Bowl we get the stupid Budweiser commercial with the farting horse; they get a Labatt commercial that features hot chicks making out!!! Canada rules: it's nigh impossible to beat the combination of hockey and lesbians. Heck, I'd consider moving there if it weren't for the creeping socialism and state-run media censoring Don Cherry and all. Then again, Tito's Yugoslavia may have been tolerable if they had Tim Hortons... posted by Nate on 10:13 PM link Thursday, February 05, 2004I'm sick again. Again. I swear, I'm like a Dungeons and Dragons elven wizard who gets a high Intelligence score in exchange for a Constitution of 6. Unlike the Wizard I do not have evil dragons and trolls and bugbears trying to eat me, however. I'm lucky in that regard. I would like to know Magic Missile, though. I'm a dork. Where was I? Oh yeah-- I have a fever, so I might be a little more incoherent than usual. Also, I feel like George Foreman is savagely beating on the walls of my stomach. Not the cuddly, media-friendly, grill-hawking George Foreman of today, but the hard-punching, glowering with eyes like hot coals, kill-you-where-you-stand Heavyweight Champion of the World circa 1973. I feel like Big George is smashing me in the kidneys as we speak (as I type?). This is probably the same feeling I'd get were I to swallow a mini George Foreman Grill and an amount of meat sufficient for roasting, and let six-inch tall fairies have a family barbecue in my large intestine. Back to the Elves and Fairies again. Dork. posted by Nate on 10:07 PM link Tuesday, February 03, 2004This Tuesday is Super, thanks for asking. So far it looks to be an Edwards / Kerry slugfest with Howard Dean's presidential hopes doing their best imitation of David Carusu's career. Too bad, since I kinda like Dean, even though I'm a racist, sexist, jingoistic right-wing sort of guy. Andrew Sullivan (who is also right-wing, and happens to be Super, thanks for asking), writes about this very topic in Time. Sure Dean considers himself a Liberal, but he also is fiscally moderate. His positions are due to thought and experience, not the latest poll numbers, and he is a passionate believer in his policy positions. Instead of having someone like Kerry who looks "presidential," why not have a candidate with conviction who is willing to speak his mind? For the health of the Republic, the Liberal / Conservative debate is a good one to have, and we won't get a true debate by nominating slick politicos with good T.V. hair. A presidential coiffe won't get you everything, you know. However, "Presidential Coiffe" would be a great name for a rock band. posted by Nate on 7:17 PM link Monday, February 02, 2004It's Naked Time at the Super Bowl! Having blown his opportunity to sexx0r Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake went overboard in his erotic Super Bowl halftime dance with Janet Jackson, knocking off part of her wardrobe and exposing her right booby. It was only a matter of time before the MTV-produced halftime got out of control; this was the most lavishly produced incoherent mess since Pirates of the Carribbean. Throughout the performance, my buddy George and I were ripping on the twisted confusion of it all. What were the executives thinking? MTV: Let's put together an over-the-hill R&B artist whose brother is on trial for touching kids, a bubblegum pop singer, a gangsta rapper, a stringy hair redneck "rocker" from Detroit, and Puff Daddy. We'll dress them in futuristic Rollerball helmets and leather loincloths and mink coats and Japanese style splint mail armor from Diablo, and... I don't know, put them on a massive aluminum boat. It'll be like Water World, only without Dennis Hopper doing Insane Dennis Hopper things. CBS: Set stuff on fire and throw in two college marching bands and we're set! posted by Nate on 12:12 AM link Sunday, February 01, 2004I have mystical, crazy genitalia! Lil Kim rap lyrics translated to English. Perhaps this dude could create a Rap<-->English translation web site like Babelfish. He could make a ton of money off people like me who have been unable to understand rap music since the late nineties. Really, the only lyrics I can figure out anymore are Snoop Dogg, and that's because he just makes up words and adds "-izzle" to them. He's like Shakespeare in that regard. Rap used to be more straightfoward, all about smoking Endo and busting caps in punk-ass bitches; now, as far as I can figure out, it's about trading one's "pimp juice" for "bling bling" in the back of an Escalade or something or other. posted by Nate on 5:05 PM link U.S. troops stationed in Tikrit will watch today's Super Bowl on an enormous cinema screen in one of Saddam's former palaces. The palace includes all manner of swanky party amenities, like balconies to throw things from, chandeliers to hang on, and a man made lake to swim in. Due to regulations beer is not allowed, though I'm sure our men have some hidden in a "secure and undisclosed location." posted by Nate on 4:48 PM link
|
|
words
of wisdom
|
|||
| Copyright 2004. All
your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
|||||||
