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Friday, November 21, 2003Straight-laced company men wound tighter than a drum. Unkempt loners with beards. Take the quiz: Computer Programming Language Inventor or Serial Killer? Psycho Killer Qu'est-ce que c'est? Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa Better run run run run run run run away posted by Nate on 11:10 PM link Wednesday, November 19, 2003This weekend I just might kick back, relax, and open my $700 plain white envelope. In order to get around Michigan's anti-scalping laws, tickets for this weekend's UM / OSU game are being offered for free should you the high eBay bidder on envelopes, pencils, and bumper stickers. Tickets are available online for as much as $2,000, but local ticket brokers have seats for "only" $250 to $800. I don't know how this week's game could be bigger than 1997 when Michigan was the undefeated #1 and OSU was ranked 5th. Both teams were in the national title hunt (UM's chances are pretty slim this year), and there was talk that this would be coach John Cooper's year to finally win it all. And speaking of talk, in the week leading up to game Buckeye stud wideout David Boston boasted how he would torch eventual Heisman-winning corner Charles Woodson. Final score: Michigan 20, Ohio State 14. We stormed the field afterwards and got pepper sprayed by Ann Arbor's Finest. Fun times, fun times. And to think that I got all that with only a $17 student ticket... posted by Nate on 10:43 PM link Tuesday, November 18, 2003I spent this evening watching my mom's new favorite TV show, Queer Eye For the Straight Guy. It wasn't half bad, though I didn't find most of their design tips earth-shatttering; remember, I was the one who got my college roommates addicted to the Christopher Lowell Show five years ago. Ryan: Sup dude, how was class? Wait a minute-- are you drinking a martini and watching an interior decorating show? Me: Why yes I am. (Twenty minutes later...) Jon: What's up fellas? Wait a minute-- are you guys drinking martinis and watching an interior decorating show? Me and Ryan: Why yes we are. Etc. Etc. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Queer Eye. The best part of the show is when the "Fab Five" enter the slobby bachelor's house and start mocking his sense of style. ("A hooker from Trenton just called; she wants her boots back.") TV execs have known for years that sarcastic gay people = ratings. Paul Lynde, Jim J. Bullock, et al made some very lame sitcoms watchable. The difference now is that they were always considered The Nutty Uncle, not the Nutty Homosexual Uncle, and the writers were very careful not to let them act too queer. In fact, I remember an old E! True Hollywood Story about how, depite his previous success, Jim J. Bullock couldn't get more Nutty Uncle roles after he came out of the closet. Now it's just the opposite, as the Queer Eyes go out of their way to crack jokes about their sexuality. (Picks up the Straight Guy's cowboy hat and guitar. "Hey look, I'm a country singer like George Straight, only not... I'm George GAY!") Obviously, a lot of this over-the-top banter is intended to get the largely heterosexual audience comfortable with gay people, just like in Spin City or Will and Grace. It's social engineering intended to mainstream homosexuality. I don't have a problem with this, and maybe this sort of thing will make Cletus and Buford realize that gays are real people too and not sexual deviants who will try to convert them to a life of sodomy and tasteful sweater vests; however no audience wants to be preached to and this might backfire. For example, a number of other blogs have taken issue with the the Pussification of the American Male that the show promotes. According to these critics, Real Men cannot practice good hygeine, wear nice clothes, live in a tidy apartment, or cook anything other than frozen pizza. Instead, we have to drink beer and watch football 24 / 7 (thank goodness for the forthcoming NFL Channel!). I have three words for these people: Bond. James Bond. Bond is, was, and always will be a man's man. He wears a tuxedo, sips vintage wines, and seduces female double agents. He is smooth and debonaire. Does Octopussy ever arrive at James' apartment only to find week-old milk on the kitchen counter and dirty socks on the bedroom floor? Bond on the couch, adorned in sweatpants and a decades-old Def Leppard T-Shirt, sleeping off last night's after-dinner twelve pack of Busch Lite? (In case you weren't paying attention, the answer is no.) Men can dress nicely and appreciate fine cognacs and Nineteenth Century English poetry. That's a lot of what this website is about (what, you thought a site called swankypimp.com was about the recommended daily calcium intake of the Andean Chinchilla?) Remember, it's okay to be act like Cary Grant instead of Steve-O from Jackass. Not only do you get to be suave with the ladies, but you're also less likely to repeatedly have your leg stapled to your scrotum. posted by Nate on 11:26 PM link Monday, November 17, 2003P.J. O'Rourke interviews with The Atlantic Monthly, opining on his experience as an Iraq war correspondent. On a lot of levels, P. J. 's the inspiration not only for this blog but for my entire political belief system. I'm the Republican Party Reptile, the guy who supports supply-side economics and hawkish foreign policy yet wants government to get its nose out of our sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. P. J. and his disciples (like Jonah Goldberg at National Review) have demonstrated that Libertarians or Conservatives don't have to be serious intellectuals all the time, unlike leftist college professor types who are constantly trying to point out the disproportionate impact of Bill X on the downtrodden in the third world. Not only is there nothing wrong with occasionally cutting loose with a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue and vibrating novelty toys for the Mrs., but if done right your nighttime activities can be committed to paper as a treatise on Anti-Communism to boot. Or something like that. Or not, but at least you had a bit of fun and it can be deducted as a tax write-off. posted by Nate on 1:05 AM link
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your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
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