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Friday, August 15, 2003Man-Rabbit WTF? posted by Nate on 12:57 AM link Happy birthday to my sister. Last year, I produced this spank-ass Macromedia Flash file. This year, I gave her a heaping helping of <MattFoley> Jack Squat</MattFoley>. (A van down by the river was not harmed in this production.) posted by Nate on 12:18 AM link Thursday, August 14, 2003Brushes with greatness, Chapter #1054. Today I built a computer for the Pres. Or the Ex-Pres-- I don't want to be pedantic. As you know, I make Very Little assembling computers for an Internet retailer. Today at work I assembled an Intel 1.7 gHz Pentium 4 for a Mr. William Clinton of Little Rock, Arkansas. (I thought he was a New Yorker now, but anyway...) I had my bud Seth in the Sales Department check with the issuing bank to make sure that the credit card was valid, and it was. Funky. Amazingly so, since this was a motherboard and CPU combo instead of a preassembled system; after the Lewinsky debacle, I always took my man Bill to be a complete system guy-- willing to sit back and let someone else do the work. I just can't see B-Clin rolling his own system. (Although he has CLI in his surname; perhaps he's a closet Linux user.) I could see Al Gore doing it. Al invented the Internet, you know. He is L337. posted by Nate on 10:55 PM link Unfortunately, the East Coast's power doesn't go up to eleven. posted by Nate on 10:44 PM link Wednesday, August 13, 2003No-one reads my web page, not even my mother. And that's a good thing, since I don't think she'd appreciate the subtleties of the "cock-gobbling cheese sexer" / "bitch-knocking butt trumpet" debate. But, to increase my readership among the non-mother demographic, I offer you BRITNEY SPEARS NAKED!!! She's revealing quite a bit in the British edition of Elle magazine, you see. The magazine also features a beyond-the-grave interview with Andy Worhol, who simply states, "Britney, it's 14:59, darling." Additionally, says Cinemax president of sales and marketing Eric Kessler, "I've got two words of career advice: Shannon Tweed." Not only is Britney flouncily exhibiting what little we haven't seen of her body, taking any possible mystery and titilation out of her image, but she looks, well, old. Seriously, her face has more lines than a Samuel Beckett play. Maybe it's her hectic schedule of nonstop touring and cocaine sniffing and Justin Timberlake sexing, but she looks at least thirty. See for yourself: 
I always thought she might be a bit "overaged." She was waaay too hot to be sixteen in the "Hit Me One More Time" video. I'm guessing she was at least 19 or 20, but the producers figured they'd sell more records by indulging men's underage schoolgirl fantasy. That would make her 25 or so now, which sounds about right once you add in the lifestyle effects. Or maybe she just ages rapidly. Either she's the Danny Almonte of Bubblegum music or the Reverse Traci Lords of FM radio. And Traci Lords began her career taking off her clothes, so all you gentleman can dare to dream. posted by Nate on 1:08 AM link Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. -- Milan Kundera Yes, I am lazy. No, I haven't posted in a few days. I still have no idea how Lileks can dash off a beautifully written thousand words on childhood memories and growing older. Me, I can never catch a spark of an idea (mixed metaphor alert!), and then, when I do, I spend thirty minutes on how to best phrase it. This typically involves deciding which is funnier, "cock-gobbling cheese sexer" or "bitch-knocking butt trumpet." The perils of being a semi-professional writer, I suppose. posted by Nate on 12:34 AM link Sunday, August 10, 2003I'm drinking heavily and watching the Comedy Central roast of Denis Leary right now. So far the best jokes have been by Nick DiPaolo. Why are we roasting you? You're Irish; we should be boiling you. To Lenny Clarke, How does someone have a weight problem and a coke problem at the same time?, and about Leary's film career, In the last five years, you've made more bombs than Hamas. There haven't been any Bill Hicks references yet. That would be the funniest thing ever. UPDATE: The Gilbert Gottfried piece was amusing, as was the fantastically gay Mario Cantone's comment, "Elizabeth Hurley is here. She's so gorgeous, even I would fuck her." UPDATE 2: There's nothing quite like spending a Sunday night smokin' and drinkin' and eating two month old stale Dollar Store Cheese Puffs that feature a vaguely disturbing cartoon cheese wedge mascot known as "Reggie Wedgie." If only I didn't have to work tomorrow. Wait, that's right, I'll probably be fired for pulling a Peter Gibbons and refusing to work Sunday. Like Nick Bakay, I'm living the dream. posted by Nate on 10:35 PM link Worst. Date. Ever. And I thought I had no life... posted by Nate on 2:43 AM link
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your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
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