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Saturday, May 10, 2003All work and no blog makes Nate something something... I haven't been updating the last few days because of thunderstorms in the area. Lightning + computer = smoldering pile of silicon, so the machine has been unplugged. Even though I splashed out $50 for a quality surge protector, I still don't really want to put it to the lightning test. I decided against blogging my day on a piece of paper and putting it online later, like what James Lileks did last week. That just didn't seem right, though it wouldn't be the first time I blatantly ripped off the Master, what with my book The Exhibition of Unfortunate Foodstuffs and naming my kid "Mosquito" and all. Anyway, the upside of Storm SeasonTM is that I've been watching a lot of TV. Usually my 'puter is my main source of entertainment and window to the world, but this weekend I'm in the loop, pop-culture-wise. Not that I'd watch Fear Factor or Who Wants To Marry A Sketchy Person, but seeing the commercials allows me to hold my own in water cooler conversations. Er, it would, if I owned a water cooler, and held daily conversations around it. One of the schools I substitute teach at has a water cooler, and it is fairly Bad Ass. Ice cold Sparkletts rule at eight in the morning. I digress. To the point, I've been watching a ton of Law & Order reruns, plus whatever happens to be on the n movie channels I get but never watch. Last night, f'rinstance, I saw Barbarians at the Gate, the satirical movie about the 1988 buyout of RJR Nabisco. It was funny and insightful, and James Garner was great in the main role. I also watched ten minutes of the epic film Josie and the Pussycats, which was suprisingly amusing. For those of you who haven't yet seen it I don't want give away too much of the film's plot, but Keyser Soze, played by Kevin Spacey, discovers that the girl was both Faye Dunaway's sister and daughter. Rosebud, a sled, was also involved. posted by Nate on 11:59 PM link Thursday, May 08, 2003Findlaw has a good short article summarizing the legal battle over peer to peer file sharing software. Maybe I'm not a useful idiot after all, Comrade. Of course, the only people to "do" legal music sharing thus far are those long hair hippie types at Apple. Apples are red, you know. posted by Nate on 2:27 PM link John Derbyshire has an odd article at National Review. Since the NR staff is against sodomy laws and believe in evolution, it seems that they are not in tune with 40% of America. Does this make them leftists? Derb suggests this is a metropolitan/rural difference, though as a small town guy I see it quite differently, as a reflexive conservatism versus an intellectual one. Some people are "conservative" because they want the country to be Forever 1955; they literally want to conserve the way things were in (a highly romanticized) past. Others like me believe that human nature is such that man is weak and corruptible. If put in positions of unchecked power, he is bound to abuse it (George Bush declares himself King For Life, uses secret police to Keep Us Down. Film at 11. Actually, check that-- No Film at 11. You are now watching BNN: all Bush, all the time. State owned and operated since seven minutes ago.) Thomas Sowell elaborates on "constrained" and "unconstrained" views of human nature in his exceptional book A Conflict of Visions. A good summary is here. Remember Lord of the Flies? Essentially, Jack will kill Piggy nine times out of ten unless there are legal and social structures in place to stop him. Rather than hope that Jack uses his supreme executive power to make the island a Utopia, political conservatives would rather curtail Jack's Piggy-mutilating activities and let the littluns pursue their self-interests within certain limits. National Review -type conservatives think that the Founding Fathers had some very good ideas on how best to restrain nefarious individuals and groups, and that these are best expressed in our Constitution. It is this document and these ideas that we want to conserve, not the rich white male dominated society of 1776 Philadelphia or whatnot. We've seen what Utopian movements have done in the twentieth century, the hundreds of millions dead in the name of progressivism or Fatherland or revolution. We stand athwart history shouting "stop." We've seen the grisly deeds Mao and Hitler and Stalin have done, and we never want it to happen here on our little Lord of the Flies island. We're the moral voices. We're the Ralphs. posted by Nate on 11:29 AM link I watched American Pie 2 on cable last night. Decent film, better than most Hollywood swill, but I'm not sure why people kept telling me it was the funniest movie ever. Probably the gross out "he's peeing in that guy's mouth" stuff. To each his own, I guess. It did had some laugh out loud funny parts, though, mostly involving Eugene Levy and Band Camp Girl. Things I liked: 1) Jason Biggs is a master of physical comedy (though not of his domain). The Superglue scene, for example, was stupid and predictable, but the way he flopped around like a wounded flounder made it pretty funny. Speaking of physical humor, last night I saw an old Saturday Night Live with The Master, Chevy Chase, at his tripping over stuff best. Perhaps in American Pie 3, the main character will get addicted to back pills and cocaine, and cease being funny for ten years. 2) The moral to the story. College-age guys are simulataneous obsessed with and terrified by sex. That's why we're so immature about it; it's an uncomfortable laughter. We think about sex all the time, but we have a truckload of doubt (length, stamina, etc) when we get to be with a real woman. Both the first and second movie were suprisingly sweet and sentimental, as the characters realize that you don't have to be the second coming of Ron Jeremy if you're in a relationship with someone you care about. Speaking of which, I think The Second Coming of Ron Jeremy is playing on the Spice Channel right now. 3) Lake Michigan. An underrated body of water with wide open, beautiful beaches. Like Madonna! (bah-dumbumbum Thank you, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.) Things I didn't like: 1) Not enough Oz and Heather. The lesson at the end of the film is about putting our younger days behind us; however more screen time for the couple would have emphasized that-- like the friendship between the four buddies-- there are some highschool relationships that are worth keeping as well. Also, Mena Suvari is really cute, and I would like to see more of her. She's gorgeous and charming, like a cross between Heather Graham and a Person Who Is Not Totally Insane. 2) (WARNING: May contain film analysis type substance) The pacing of the movie. The first half is slow, then the second half moves at breakneck speed. There was too much time wasted setting up the probable lesbians, and the payoff wasn't especially funny. It would have been better had they edited a few minutes off the buildup and inserted one more medium-sized joke toward the end. 3) Stiffler and the lesbians. This runs counter to the moral of the story, that things work out for the nice guys. The converse is also true, and the bad guy must have something bad happen to him. Stiffler is an utter dick, and even though he has to suffer the indignity of ShitBreak tapping his mom, Steve gets to enjoy a wild threeway with hot bisexual chicks. That's not right, the bad guy isn't supposed to get a reward! Even if the reward includes a probable case of the Clap. Okay, that's enough. I've wasted my morning writing a few hundred words on American Freaking Pie Two. While I'm waiting for a download to finish. I'm a Communist! posted by Nate on 10:38 AM link Wednesday, May 07, 2003The Detroit Tigers are on fire, winning four in a row! I'm not surprised: this is a bad team, but in the dozen years I've followed Detroit baseball, this isn't the worst squad by a longshot. In years past, the wily veterans would win sixty or sixty five games with no real chance to improve year-to-year. This time around, they have a few good young arms and position players who can play quality defense. The offense is brutal, of course, but they're still learning to hit major league pitching. Not that I can name three of the Tigers' everyday players, but in this worst-to-first era maybe they can be the Kansas City Royals of 2005. posted by Nate on 10:38 PM link Tuesday, May 06, 2003Thanks a lot, Al Gore. The Internet Is a Communist Plot. At least that's what this National Review article implies. The author actually suggests banning peer-to-peer networks. This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Newsflash: sharing files on a peer-to-peer network is the main idea behind the Internet. Note to author James D. Miller: if you're reading this, it's not because elves and fairies conjured up the content on your screen. I wrote the content and made it available for free. An insidious program called a web browser downloaded my files to your computer so you could view them. A server/client system and not a true peer-to-peer network, you say? Fine. I can download a whole host of free content through Kazaa, Bittorrent, or even command-line FTP, which is included with every computer sold. There is a ton of free software and public domain music and writing available. Banning otherwise legitimate software because I might share the latest Britney Spears single is like banning knives because I might go O.J. Simpson on my ex-wife's ass. Er, not that O.J. did it or anything. It was probably Al Gore. Fucking Commie. posted by Nate on 11:54 PM link Holy crow! According to ESPN, the Boston Globe has suspended columnist Bob Ryan for one month due to his offensive comments about Jason Kidd's wife. During a TV appearance, the curmudgeonly Ryan criticized the Kidds for using their son "as a prop" during last year's playoffs and called Joumana Kidd an "exhibitionist." Then, he crossed the line. "I mean she needs (inaudible) to smack her." Kidd pleaded guilty to hitting his wife in 2001, and was in counseling for six months. I agree with Ryan. On the son exploitation/exhibitionist part, that is. The wife beating part is a no-no. The comment is in exceedingly bad taste, though I assume it was part of the crusty Bob Ryan hyperbole we've come to expect and love rather than a belief that Domestic Violence: the Home Game is a Fun Activity the Whole Family Can Play. Like a month-long Nixon, I guess the press won't have Bob Ryan to kick around (the horn) anymore. posted by Nate on 11:17 PM link Surfing the web this afternoon, I noticed that Eric "Off Wing Opinion" McErlain linked to the site. Greetings, Off Wing -ites! In case you're wondering, the blog part of this website is about one third Sports, one third Politics, and one third Random Craziness. The Articles section is mostly from my old humor site swankypimp.com, when I was under the mistaken yearlong impression I was the next Hunter S. Thompson. I also have recent humor pieces on the NFL Draft and the NHL Playoffs you might be interested in. So welcome to my electronic home. Take off your metaphorical electronic coat and e-shoes and make yourself comfortable. posted by Nate on 2:27 PM link I just woke from an "interesting" dream and figured I'd share with y'all. I was a contestant on that Mr. Personality show, using the pseudonym "Heywood Jablome," trying to hook up with hostess Monica Lewinsky. On our first date, armed with torches and axe handles, Monica, Madeline Albright, and I looted downtown Baghdad, which was 80's sci-fi movie Bleak and Desolate. CNN's Christiane Amanpour looked on from a far-off rooftop, and sent an evil army of monkeys to infect us with rabies, thereby stopping our pillaging. Running from the simian horde, I fell down a manhole cover, and when I got my bearings found myself in a sunny park. There, I picnicked on jam sandwiches and Earl Gray tea with Colin Powell and the Easter Bunny. The Lucky Charms Leprechaun, who occasionally morphed into Ben Folds and Robert Burns and called himself The Sunny Lord of Bergemot, sang Scots-Irish folk music for our enjoyment. To quote Ted "Theodore" Logan, "Bill, my friend, strange things are afoot at the Circle-K." What on earth would Freud make of this dream? Sometimes a Lucky Charms Leprechaun is just a Lucky Charms Leprechaun, I guess. P.S.-- I am not on drugs. I shudder to think what my nightmares might be like if I had rebelled against the Nancy Reagan commercials of my youth and Just Said Yes. posted by Nate on 6:33 AM link Here's a silly, post-modern analysis of Lord of the Rings. I've never been a big Tolkein fan myself, but I find this exceptionally funny. [O]bserve the map device here-- how the map is itself completely Gondor-centric. Rohan and Gondor are treated as though they are the literal center of Middle Earth. Obviously this is because they have men living there. What of places such as Anfalas and Forlindin or Near Harad?... It is as though the people who live in these places are despicable, and unworthy of mention. Who is producing this tale? What is their agenda? What are their interests and how are those interests being served by this portrayal? Questions we need to ask repeatedly. posted by Nate on 2:57 AM link Monday, May 05, 2003The Volokh Conspiracy's Orin Kerr has an interesting post regarding the record companies' efforts to stop piracy. The record companies are thinking about sending evil programs to people's computers to enforce their copyrights. As Orin Kerr points outs, this is a criminal offense. To quote the New York Times (emphasis mine): "[F]reeze," locks up a computer system for a certain duration-- minutes or possibly even hours-- risking the loss of data that was unsaved if the computer is restarted. It also displays a warning about downloading pirated music. Another program under development, called "silence," scans a computer's hard drive for pirated music files and attempts to delete them. One of the executives briefed on the silence program said that it did not work properly and was being reworked because it was deleting legitimate music files, too. I'm all for protecting copyright, but this is vigilantism, a desperate act from an industry that refuses to change its business model to catch up with technology. I don't download music or have P2P software on my computer, and want an artist to benefit financially if I enjoy his music. However, it is fair use for me to rip my CD collection to mp3 or ogg so I can listen to in the car or at work without losing/damaging my discs or having them stolen. If the RIAA erases my legitimate files or slows or damages my computer without my consent, it's class action time. posted by Nate on 9:29 PM link Another day, another function (social, not bodily). Saturday, I was at my godson's fourth birthday party, and Sunday I was helping my sister get ready for final exam week. While I was refreshingly out of the media loop, the basketball playoffs continued. Indiana fell to Boston, the Dallas Mark Cubans barely held off the Blazers, and the Detroit Pistons finished their improbable playoff comeback from a 3 - 1 deficit against Orlando. Today, Chauncey "If I Were This Cool Five Years Ago, Rick Pitino Would Still be In the NBA" Billups scored 37 as Detroit routed Orlando in game seven. Billups has been in the zone all year after the free agent was signed by canny Pistons' personnel man Joe Dumars. Dumars is one of the NBA's most underrated GM-types, turning the Pistons from a mediocre-to-bad team that was losing its best player, soon to be free agent Grant Hill, to a gritty playoff team that won the East this year. He traded Hill to acquire Ben Wallace, and hired coach Rick Carlisle, whose defense-first approach has reaped big rewards. He has been especially good at acquiring role players like Billups and Richard Hamilton, for whom he traded the team's best offensive player, Jerry Stackhouse. The flashy but inconsistent Stack has fallen off the map in Washington, while Hamilton has been a great second banana contributor in D-town. There's a life lesson in there somewhere, and stuff. posted by Nate on 1:29 AM link
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your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
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