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Saturday, April 05, 2003According to Eric McErlain's excellent site, the Canadian Broadcasting Company has removed the March 22 Don Cherry "Coach's Corner" video clip from their web site. In the clip, the nattily dressed former coach expressed his views on the Iraq war in the typical Don Cherry manner; which is to say blunt, passionate, and endearing in an Archie Bunker sort of way. While Canadian officials have "gone European" opposing the U.S. over the war, Cherry and Wayne Gretzky, most notably, have made statements of support. I don't follow Canadian politics much, but this seems to dovetail with an issue I have read quite a bit on-- gun control. Essentially, folks in the urban areas elect politicians who support it, even though it goes against the beliefs of Garth Sixpack in the prairies. (It should be easier to get a shotgun when you live in a place where large animals can eat you, eh?) The way the population is distributed, of course, the cities have far more representation in these matters, and with less of a federalist system than in the USA, there is much more of a rift than the "blue states versus red states" separation we have here. posted by Nate on 1:41 PM link No posting yesterday: thunderstorms all day and night. (For those of you who are not aware, lightning + plugged-in computer = smoldering, blackened ex-computer. Therefore, unplugging the machine is doubletime George H. W. Bush prudent.) And to top it all off, it is snowing this morning. I don't mind the April showers that bring May flowers and stuff, but SNOW? It was seventy a couple days ago. I was wearing shorts for the first time in months. What the !@#$%$@!% ? Snow. It's either that or an Al Queda crop-dusting that's responsible for the dancing white particles in the breeze. All things considered, I guess snow isn't that bad after all. posted by Nate on 10:20 AM link Thursday, April 03, 2003According to this article, the "War (Ugh!) What is it good for? (Absolutely Nuttin)" guy has died. Like Angelica in Joe Versus the Volcano, I have no response to that. posted by Nate on 2:12 PM link On the way home from the grocery yesterday I caught a bit of the Rush Limbaugh show for the first time in a while. He was discussing a San Francisco Chronicle article about a Marine trying to get out the war by claiming that he is a conscientious objector and had no idea when he volunteered that-- get this-- Marines kill people. Obviously, I thought, this guy can't be serious, and is just trying to get out of Taking It. Reflecting on it, though, maybe there's a bit of truth to his position. Media reports notwithstanding, we haven't had a serious quagmire of a war in a generation. People my age haven't flipped on the news every night to see the Body Count Report with Uncle Walter, and there hasn't been a draft in decades. The First Gulf War (Gulf War I: The Phantom Menace) showed my generation lots of grainy green-tinted footage of shit gloriously exploding, not footsoldiers pinned down by enemy machine gun fire. The ground war only lasted 100 hours, and most of that involved Iraqis retreating or surrenderring. My sisters have several friends in the military, and to them it was simply an alternative to college or an entry-level job. In the event that there was a war, it would be a technological, distance war, not something where you would have to look someone in the eye and shoot him in the head, or risk the vice-versa. That's probably a main reason the media has been reporting on what a failure this war plan is; instead of Shock and Awe, it's just an air-supported, honest-to-goodness ground troop war. posted by Nate on 9:46 AM link Wednesday, April 02, 2003Just flipped on CNN again for a war update. Is it just me, or is it incredibly chuckle-inducing every time the media makes a reference to our forces in "South Central Iraq"? It's as if the Fedayeen Saddam are rolling down the street in an Escalade, listening to a Fifty Cent song, smoking chronic and sipping forties. Pour a little liquor on the curb for our fallen homie Saddam, yo. (Wait a minute, G, we can't do that-- Saddam isn't really dead, Tupac neither. Oh yeah. Word to your mother.) posted by Nate on 12:01 PM link And now for something non-Cub related; the war. The other night there was the Big Announcement from Centcom. A 3 AM (Quatari time) press conference that had "terriffic news." The news was good; we rescued one of the POWs from Saddam's version of Snake Mountain. However, the way Fox News promo'ed the news conference, and the ways Shepard Smith was grinning ear to ear and bouncing off the walls with giddiness, I figured that the news wasn't just big, but enormous. Someting on the level of a major Iraqi government or military figure being confirmed dead, or that the documents we found in the cave raid had color photographs of Saddam spooning with Osama bin Laden, or something. Speaking of Fox News' Mr. Smith, I get a low grade sense of amusement whenever he appears on the screen. Why? Because when I was in high school, he was a news correspondant on Whittle Channel One Television, the soft news and entertainment program piped into thousands of high schools every morning. From reporting on such pressing topics as Kurt Cobain's death to being a prime time anchor on a major cable news network within ten years; it's all good. In fact, the whole crew from the Channel One Hacienda has done well: Smith on Fox News, Anderson Cooper on CNN, Serena Altschul on MTV News, the exceedingly annoying Lisa Ling on "The View" with Barbara Walters. Even Rawley Valverde appears on Fox News occasionally (I think he's with an affilliate station in Florida). So I find it very funny, indeed appropriate, when Shepard reverts to his teeny-bopper days. A few days ago, for instance, he was talking to one of his friends via satellite, that wiry embedded reporter guy who wears the floppy hat that makes him look like a Leprechaun. As if he were addressing a long-time-no-see college roommate, Shep began the interview with, "Dude! It's good to see you. So how are things going?" Sweet. posted by Nate on 7:10 AM link Tuesday, April 01, 2003Cubs won yesterday, against Tom Glavine, no less; Corey Patterson belted two homers and drove in 7 runs (SEVEN!). Following the game, he told reporters, "This is the start of something good for me. After years of being a terrible, undisciplined hitter who relies on raw talent, I am now going to work the pitch count, draw some walks, and ascend to greatness, or at least be a Garret Anderson-type contributor. I will capitalize on my near limitless potential. I am not the next Oddibe McDowell." Grinning, he then said, "But seriously guys. Gotcha. April Fools! Remember a few years back when Brian McRae hit four homers on opening day, then did nothing the rest of the year? It's sorta like that." (P.S.-- In case you're wondering, I'm from southwest Michigan, and mostly root for Detroit sports teams-- the Red Wings, the Pistons, and even (guh) the Lions. But when I was growing up, the local NBC station carried all the Cubs games. This was the Ryne Sandberg/Andre Dawson era, and it was my first exposure to the Glorious Game (TM). While in school in Ann Arbor I followed the Tigers, but the Cubs are definitely my Hometown Team.) posted by Nate on 4:58 PM link Monday, March 31, 2003Guess what? Cubs aren't on. Figures. My ESPN affilliate is carrying the Tigers-Twins game. (I live 90 miles outside of Chicago in the great state of Michigan.) Michigander Rich Eisen and Tom Candiotti (!) announcing. This game is progressing at a ridiculous pace; we're an hour-twenty in and in the bottom of the seventh. A lot of this is due to the lack of baserunners, but some of the quickening is due to shorter commercial breaks in between innings; Rich Eisen mentioned earlier in the telecast that Major League Baseball is trying to speed up the game this way. Sounds good to me; people my age have no attention span. In this regard, baseball is like Tantric sex-- I'm sure the four hour version is nice, but I'd rather get the quick and dirty version knocked out so I have time to grab a sandwich and mow the lawn. I'm a busy man, I've got things to do. posted by Nate on 2:54 PM link "1060 West Addision!?! That's Wrigley Field." --Joliet Jake Baseball season began last night, as the Texas A-Rods defeated the Sonny Bono Copyright Extension Acts. My beloved Cubbies face off against the Mets soon, and three hours of me screaming at the television set will ensue. My buddy Kris seems to think the Cubs will contend this year, and the terrible breaks that doomed last season (18-36 in one-run games) will be made up in a John Lennon Instant Karma's Gonna Get Ya sort of deal. I'm not so optimistic, with top prospect Bobby Hill already sent down to the minors in favor of Mark Grudzialanek, and Eric Karros lurking just behind young first baseman Hee Seop Choi. Oh, and Mark Prior's arm is going to fall off at some point this year. Hopefully someone will pick it up and use it to beat some sense into Dusty Baker: 1) We have a great young pitching staff but typically Cub-like position players; 2) No matter what Porno Moustache Jayson Stark says, we won't contend this season; 3) Therefore, let's develop the young position players we have so we can assemble a perennially successful club. 4) QED, muhfuggahs. To understand what its like being a Cubs fan, let me relate the following anecdote. I was in fifth grade, back when the sparkling dew on the infield grass at the Little League ball diamond was magical. The typically below-average Cubs somehow emerged to contend for the NL East title, behind funky-ass closer Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams, who wore the most badass mullet in the history of trailer park tuna casserole, by the way. My dad, who did not have a mullet but rocked the cheesy porno 'stache J-Stark-style, said he'd take me to a playoff game if the Cubs could find a way to win the division. Ecstatic, I rushed to the phone to call the Wrigley Field box office for playoff tickets mere seconds after the division clinching game ended . Buzz...buzz...buzz... Busy signal. Dial again. Buzz...buzz...buzz... Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. On a rotary phone, no less. Finally, after forty minutes, I got through! Yes! Nirvana! "Ticket Office, Don speaking." "Yes, I'd like two tick--" --CLICK-- Disconnected. Stunned silence for a few seconds, then the recorded operator lady coming on to taunt my failure. "If you would like to make a call, please hang up and try again." Thanks a bunch, you malodorous harpy. A long time of tortuous waiting, the promised land finally within reach, and --BAM-- it inexplicably, unfairly goes wrong. Yup, rooting for the Cubs is like that. posted by Nate on 11:39 AM link Uh... Sorry about that. The person responsible for that was sacked. And the person responsible for sacking him was sacked, ad infinitum. Or something. Anyway, this is my website. I used to run Swankypimp.com in 2000-2001 when I was in grad school, posting my humorous essays and multimedia, but got away from updating it the last couple years. Given the popularity of political and sports blogs, I figured that swankypimp.com will rise Phoenix-like from the ashes of the old site, farting smoke and breathing lightning Mothra-style, wreaking swift bloody justice on all who dare oppose me, my insightful and humorous commentary on world events getting medieval on the collective ass of the World Wide Web. Or perhaps I'll be like Kelly's French suitor Henri on Cheers, and taunt Woody/Glen Harlan Reynolds, "I'm going to steal your girlfriend/audience!" Yeah, that's the ticket. posted by Nate on 5:54 AM link W00T! FRIST POST! IN Soviet Russuia Natalie Portman Hot Grits goatse.cx STEP #3 PROPHET!! (Or something. Or not.) posted by Nate on 4:13 AM link
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your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson. Questions or comments? Email nate@swankypimp.com |
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